Stability

Man do I need some right now. I feel like physically, emotionally and mentally I am on a merry-go-round of emotion. Most days right now I am down... really down, and I can not figure out why. My best guess is that I have let myself get away from that which makes me strong, yet on the surface things do not appear that way.

Sometimes I wish that I was back on Maui. I had a good friend there that could talk me through these situations. He would never offer advice, he would just ask questions. Through those questions I was generally able to see what was going on whether I wanted to see the answer or not. It was almost like he knew me better than I knew myself.

I guess in a way he did. He had been in my shoes before, and a lot of the situations I was encountering he had already had to work his way through. I guess I was lucky. Throughout my life I always had older male mentors. People who taught me how to be men and loved me enough to let me know when I was being a bonehead. A lot of my friends were left to their own devices to feel their way through life and figure things out on their own. I never had that problem.

Now, without my biggest mentor, my father, here to help and my best friends being half a world away I find myself standing on shifting sands. I have to work my way through this on my own without alienating me from those I love the most. I also have to realize that I am in a position where young men are looking at me as a model. Even Christ took some time away though... I wonder what it was that He said in those times when He was alone, in prayer with His Father... I know that I need to retreat on my own to prayer... Perhaps this time I will say nothing and just listen...

Prayers,

Pisio

Three Days in a Whale

Well, not quite three... two and a half on retreat with my peer ministry team. The retreat weekend served a dual purpose. The first was to allow the team of teenagers I have assembled to help me do youth ministry grow together, learn each other's gifts and strengths and just relax and reflect on their own lives. The second was to allow me to do the same.

I can relate to Jonah, spending three days in that fish. I watched this group of young people grow, prayed and examined the same things I asked them to, and wham... my out look changed. I have been trying to deny that I am called to youth ministry for about the last three months or so. I have been looking for other jobs, working with technology again, and really trying to get out of the call to ministry. I really did not want to go to Ninevah, so to speak.

The last prayer session of the retreat was an affirmation session. Generally I can weasel my way out of being in the middle to hear the kids tell me something positive about me. In my mind it is for them anyway, so why should I go in the middle? Well, this group did not let me wiggle out of it... Despite my protest I found myself in the middle of the circle. I had to hear how I have changed their out look on faith, how they never believed that they could be as close to God as they are feeling, how their experiences have rekindled their faith altogether... what a mentor and leader I was... I was actually close to tears.

I was doing exactly what I tell them not to do... I was looking at myself for what I am not, rather than what I am... I forgot that Christ called fishermen who could not fish to be His apostles, and God has used drunks, prostitutes and murderers to do much more than I thought I could no longer do. The weekend served to remind me that what He can do with me is only limited by what I allow Him to do...

I was locked in a fear of what He would do to my life, a stark regression from where I like to be... Looking in Awe at what He has done with my life... I guess that this is all a process and I have to realize that when I pray "Thy Will Be Done" I have to mean it... His Will is generally not mine and frankly I hope that I can learn to trust Him and be more faithful to His call again...

Prayers,

Pisio

20,000 Visitors

Just a reminder to all of you who frequent this blog. I have a special award for the 20,000 visitor to my site. If you have a blog, or web service you offer, I will review your site and provide a permanent link to it on my blog. There is an added bonus for anyone who is an entrecard member. Click here for details. Note the counter at right, and if you are number 20,000, send me a screen capture to claim your prize. Good Luck!

Prayers,

Pisio