Three Days in a Whale

Well, not quite three... two and a half on retreat with my peer ministry team. The retreat weekend served a dual purpose. The first was to allow the team of teenagers I have assembled to help me do youth ministry grow together, learn each other's gifts and strengths and just relax and reflect on their own lives. The second was to allow me to do the same.

I can relate to Jonah, spending three days in that fish. I watched this group of young people grow, prayed and examined the same things I asked them to, and wham... my out look changed. I have been trying to deny that I am called to youth ministry for about the last three months or so. I have been looking for other jobs, working with technology again, and really trying to get out of the call to ministry. I really did not want to go to Ninevah, so to speak.

The last prayer session of the retreat was an affirmation session. Generally I can weasel my way out of being in the middle to hear the kids tell me something positive about me. In my mind it is for them anyway, so why should I go in the middle? Well, this group did not let me wiggle out of it... Despite my protest I found myself in the middle of the circle. I had to hear how I have changed their out look on faith, how they never believed that they could be as close to God as they are feeling, how their experiences have rekindled their faith altogether... what a mentor and leader I was... I was actually close to tears.

I was doing exactly what I tell them not to do... I was looking at myself for what I am not, rather than what I am... I forgot that Christ called fishermen who could not fish to be His apostles, and God has used drunks, prostitutes and murderers to do much more than I thought I could no longer do. The weekend served to remind me that what He can do with me is only limited by what I allow Him to do...

I was locked in a fear of what He would do to my life, a stark regression from where I like to be... Looking in Awe at what He has done with my life... I guess that this is all a process and I have to realize that when I pray "Thy Will Be Done" I have to mean it... His Will is generally not mine and frankly I hope that I can learn to trust Him and be more faithful to His call again...

Prayers,

Pisio