100th Post: Freedom

I've got to confess that I love my life. I am truly blessed, but as with all things, those blessings come with a cross. Mine is not as heavy as some and in some ways it may be heavier than others. All of us have a cross that we must carry.

For politicians, like celebrities that cross is being in the lime light whether or not you ask to be. As a public figure you will be a target and a role model for those you know and those that you will never meet. As such you have to always be on your best behavior, and sadly todays crop do not live up to that most of the time. I think that this is why I could never be a public figure, especially President.

No, my cross involves something much different. I choose to lead young people. As such, I have to be just as good of an example, if not better than those politicians. Sadly, I do not live up to those expectations a lot of the time. I let myself and those that I choose to lead down more often than I would like to admit. This is my cross.

By choosing to be a youth minister and lead young people into a deeper relationship with Christ I have to be able to encourage and almost teach self esteem, yet because I can not support my family on the wages I make I feel inadequate as a husband. A paradox I have never been able to come to grips with. In all honesty, if I want to support my family the way that a husband should be able to I can not do it as a paid youth minister. This is my cross.

By choosing to be a youth minister and lead young people into a deeper relationship with Christ I have to be able to maintain professional boundaries with those that I minister to, yet due to the nature of the work, I often end up becoming closer friends with those I minister to than my peers. The relationships that I develop with these young people often take the place of relationships with my peers, yet because of the obvious differences these relationships are not as fulfilling as some of those I have with my peers. They are not empty, or shallow relationships they are just not as fruitful as they could be due to the need to maintain those professional boundaries. Relational ministry can sometimes lead to impersonal relationships, another paradox. This is my cross.

The interesting thing though is that by accepting this cross... being called to ministry, yet having to sacrifice my own dreams and goals, wants and needs, my life is truly free. Isn't that really weird? My life is full of vibrant experiences and wonderful people. By embracing this call to serve the youth community I have found a surprisingly fulfilling life. Freedom despite the "burden".

I think that in the last few years I have come to appreciate something Pope John Paul II said... paraphrased, it was that to truly be free, one must choose what Christ wants over what you want. In my late teens and early 20s this made no sense at all. Hindsight, as they say is 20 20 though. Once I accepted the call and began to serve, Christ filled what was lacking in my life with things that were truly life giving. Friendships that were killing me were replaced with friendships I will never forget, like Rod, Kalae and Jonah.

These people and new experiences made me really look at my life and change what was killing me. Sure, like all of us, I regress and go back and forth between old self and new self, but with His help I am getting better. Recently I have been in a funk, and I have wanted to drop my cross. Recently, Christ asked me if I wanted to carry His instead. Nope... I'll take mine any day over His because through that cross comes my freedom. Freedom comes through the cross, and with the Resurrection. Embracing what He wants for us, dying to ourselves, brings a freedom only He can give us.

The time is quickly coming when I will have to find a new way to be involved in youth ministry. As my family grows, which it in time will, I will have to find a way to support us. This will mean moving away from a coordinators role, and into a volunteer role. I am sure that I can adjust to that freedom again. I ask for your prayers as I enter into this new and exciting part of my life. After all, I go with all of you there, especially those who have always been there. One thing I am sure of though, this change will not take me to the Presidency. Nope... I know that is a cross I could not be trusted with.

Prayers,

Pisio

Internet Dating

Tomorrow sometime I will make my 100th post. As you can see it was a three way tie between talking about my experiences in youth ministry, or youth ministry in general; what I would do if I were President; or just something random... I am not sure what I will be posting on, but it may just have to do with all three... It will be interesting to see how things turn out.

I did get a request to write about my experience with internet dating and in particular give some tips to those of you who may be out there in cyber dating land... As you can see from the picture, and from my wife's page, things turned out great for us...

So, here goes... First and foremost if you are meeting people through a service like e-harmony or match.com, make sure that you are using a service that suits you. Personally I was fed up with the career oriented, non-traditional mindset of my peers in the United States. Being from Hawaii at the time I was really attracted to Asian women and in particular filipinas. For the most part, they are traditionally minded family oriented, faithful women. So, I found a site that specialized in bringing American men and Asian women together. They also offered support if I needed help navigating the immigration process... They were more than just an internet bar or matchmaking service, they actually supported me through the process.

Second, be honest. Talking over the phone, or in a chat room allows you to be completely honest with someone, opening yourself up to the other person... yet it is completely anonymous. What do you have to hide? You are in a situation where you have this person one on one... take advantage of that and open up to them. Presumably you are there to get to know them so get to know them. Do not assume that they are lying to you or hiding anything. Rather assume that they are being open and honest with you. Pay attention to what they say and write and if they are lying to you, you will catch on eventually... This actually leads nicely into advice bit #3.

Take your time. It is hard because you are separated from the other person, but that is also what makes it so fun. You have all the time in the world to get to know this person without any strings attached. Jonah and I talked for 18 months before we met in person. When we finally did meet, because we had TALKED seriously about things for anywhere from 1 to 6 hours a week, it was like we had known each other our entire lives. Things just clicked for us. We knew within hours of being with each other that we had both been honest with each other, and this took a lot of the awkwardness out of our first meeting.

Fourth, write letters. Phone conversations, I.M. ing and texting are all great, but impersonal ways to communicate. Writing things in your own hand and tucking a little piece of yourself in the envelope adds intimacy and anticipation to the relationship. You always have something to look forward too, like the scent of her perfume, or something she wore in her hair. The little stupid doodles you do when you are looking for the words to say convey your honesty and seriousness about the relationship. It is amazing how seeing the letters SWAK stenciled on the outside of an envelope can make the worst days bearable.

Finally, be open. I actually met Jonah by "accident" trying to talk to someone else. Had I not taken the chance and continued the conversation with her when I did I am scared to think of where I might be right now... I probably would not have that beautiful little boy I am holding in the picture above... Man how time flies... An accidental click on a random girl in a chat room led to him, and a beautiful life...

Well, it is 2:30am here and I am a little wiped out. For those of you looking for pointers on long distance relationships, I hope that this has helped a little. It worked for me, and look at what it has led to...

Prayers,

Pisio.

P.S.: 100th post tomorrow... I hope you all come back to read it.