Internet Dating

Tomorrow sometime I will make my 100th post. As you can see it was a three way tie between talking about my experiences in youth ministry, or youth ministry in general; what I would do if I were President; or just something random... I am not sure what I will be posting on, but it may just have to do with all three... It will be interesting to see how things turn out.

I did get a request to write about my experience with internet dating and in particular give some tips to those of you who may be out there in cyber dating land... As you can see from the picture, and from my wife's page, things turned out great for us...

So, here goes... First and foremost if you are meeting people through a service like e-harmony or match.com, make sure that you are using a service that suits you. Personally I was fed up with the career oriented, non-traditional mindset of my peers in the United States. Being from Hawaii at the time I was really attracted to Asian women and in particular filipinas. For the most part, they are traditionally minded family oriented, faithful women. So, I found a site that specialized in bringing American men and Asian women together. They also offered support if I needed help navigating the immigration process... They were more than just an internet bar or matchmaking service, they actually supported me through the process.

Second, be honest. Talking over the phone, or in a chat room allows you to be completely honest with someone, opening yourself up to the other person... yet it is completely anonymous. What do you have to hide? You are in a situation where you have this person one on one... take advantage of that and open up to them. Presumably you are there to get to know them so get to know them. Do not assume that they are lying to you or hiding anything. Rather assume that they are being open and honest with you. Pay attention to what they say and write and if they are lying to you, you will catch on eventually... This actually leads nicely into advice bit #3.

Take your time. It is hard because you are separated from the other person, but that is also what makes it so fun. You have all the time in the world to get to know this person without any strings attached. Jonah and I talked for 18 months before we met in person. When we finally did meet, because we had TALKED seriously about things for anywhere from 1 to 6 hours a week, it was like we had known each other our entire lives. Things just clicked for us. We knew within hours of being with each other that we had both been honest with each other, and this took a lot of the awkwardness out of our first meeting.

Fourth, write letters. Phone conversations, I.M. ing and texting are all great, but impersonal ways to communicate. Writing things in your own hand and tucking a little piece of yourself in the envelope adds intimacy and anticipation to the relationship. You always have something to look forward too, like the scent of her perfume, or something she wore in her hair. The little stupid doodles you do when you are looking for the words to say convey your honesty and seriousness about the relationship. It is amazing how seeing the letters SWAK stenciled on the outside of an envelope can make the worst days bearable.

Finally, be open. I actually met Jonah by "accident" trying to talk to someone else. Had I not taken the chance and continued the conversation with her when I did I am scared to think of where I might be right now... I probably would not have that beautiful little boy I am holding in the picture above... Man how time flies... An accidental click on a random girl in a chat room led to him, and a beautiful life...

Well, it is 2:30am here and I am a little wiped out. For those of you looking for pointers on long distance relationships, I hope that this has helped a little. It worked for me, and look at what it has led to...

Prayers,

Pisio.

P.S.: 100th post tomorrow... I hope you all come back to read it.