I've got to confess that I love my life. I am truly blessed, but as with all things, those blessings come with a cross. Mine is not as heavy as some and in some ways it may be heavier than others. All of us have a cross that we must carry.For politicians, like celebrities that cross is being in the lime light whether or not you ask to be. As a public figure you will be a target and a role model for those you know and those that you will never meet. As such you have to always be on your best behavior, and sadly todays crop do not live up to that most of the time. I think that this is why I could never be a public figure, especially President.
No, my cross involves something much different. I choose to lead young people. As such, I have to be just as good of an example, if not better than those politicians. Sadly, I do not live up to those expectations a lot of the time. I let myself and those that I choose to lead down more often than I would like to admit. This is my cross.
By choosing to be a youth minister and lead young people into a deeper relationship with Christ I have to be able to encourage and almost teach self esteem, yet because I can not support my family on the wages I make I feel inadequate as a husband. A paradox I have never been able to come to grips with. In all honesty, if I want to support my family the way that a husband should be able to I can not do it as a paid youth minister. This is my cross.
By choosing to be a youth minister and lead young people into a deeper relationship with Christ I have to be able to maintain professional boundaries with those that I minister to, yet due to the nature of the work, I often end up becoming closer friends with those I minister to than my peers. The relationships that I develop with these young people often take the place of relationships with my peers, yet because of the obvious differences these relationships are not as fulfilling as some of those I have with my peers. They are not empty, or shallow relationships they are just not as fruitful as they could be due to the need to maintain those professional boundaries. Relational ministry can sometimes lead to impersonal relationships, another paradox. This is my cross.
The interesting thing though is that by accepting this cross... being called to ministry, yet having to sacrifice my own dreams and goals, wants and needs, my life is truly free. Isn't that really weird? My life is full of vibrant experiences and wonderful people. By embracing this call to serve the youth community I have found a surprisingly fulfilling life. Freedom despite the "burden".
I think that in the last few years I have come to appreciate something Pope John Paul II said... paraphrased, it was that to truly be free, one must choose what Christ wants over what you want. In my late teens and early 20s this made no sense at all. Hindsight, as they say is 20 20 though. Once I accepted the call and began to serve, Christ filled what was lacking in my life with things that were truly life giving. Friendships that were killing me were replaced with friendships I will never forget, like Rod, Kalae and Jonah.
These people and new experiences made me really look at my life and change what was killing me. Sure, like all of us, I regress and go back and forth between old self and new self, but with His help I am getting better. Recently I have been in a funk, and I have wanted to drop my cross. Recently, Christ asked me if I wanted to carry His instead. Nope... I'll take mine any day over His because through that cross comes my freedom. Freedom comes through the cross, and with the Resurrection. Embracing what He wants for us, dying to ourselves, brings a freedom only He can give us.
The time is quickly coming when I will have to find a new way to be involved in youth ministry. As my family grows, which it in time will, I will have to find a way to support us. This will mean moving away from a coordinators role, and into a volunteer role. I am sure that I can adjust to that freedom again. I ask for your prayers as I enter into this new and exciting part of my life. After all, I go with all of you there, especially those who have always been there. One thing I am sure of though, this change will not take me to the Presidency. Nope... I know that is a cross I could not be trusted with.
Prayers,
Pisio
2 comments:
hi pisio =)
I'll include you in my prayers. My hubby and I are friends with the youth minister in our church so I have a slight idea of what you are going through. God bless =)
In a way I have been dealing with the same feelings towards my clients.
It's just rules we are dealing with and I think we must follow our hearts.
People put trust in us, and it's up to us to make the decisions that are best to them.
So I've choosen to see each individual as a unique person with unique needs.
Theory and books and rules can help us make choices, but they can't dictate the way I act professionally.
"Let the children come to me."
That made me aware of the needs of people.
What they need is important. We shouldn't use people for our own needs when we're dealing with them, but when people need friendship and we're the only ones to provide that and create a model and a basis to learn how to behave in friendships, I'll step into it.
Ofcourse I don't have to convey a message to them. Don't need to broaden their beliefs and religious feelings.
So there's no need from my side to put something in the relationship, just what naturally comes up.
I think it's not right you're working for the church full time and you're not able to support your family.
I wouldn't see it as a cross.
It's just that the church falls short in providing for the needs of those who serve.
We've had the same in this parish. A letter to the bisshop changed a lot.
How on earth can he have nice dinners when the people who spread the word can't feed their children?
Isn't there a hospital nearby where they need a pastor.
The pastor here has a full salary. Needs to be available. But also has the freedom to deal with the young people in the parish.
Very rewarding, the pastor told me.
I hope all will be well.
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